Halfway in every direction.
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I feel like I already know exactly how this will play out. It’s unclear whether that’s helpful or cynical of me. Same patterns with different people. Or maybe I’m being overly optimistic, wrongly-assuming, something of that sort. 

just a small town girl. Living in a racist, insensitive, sexist, homophobic world,

(cant take the midnight train ‘cause im fuckin scared)

I’ve discovered an underlying feeling I have of constant anxiety of the present situation. I fear that if I am not content with my person today, there is absolutely no way of someday reaching a point of comfort. I wish I could convince myself to be comfortable in the silence or noise of my own thoughts, force myself to not crave the sickly sweet satisfaction of feeling included.

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would you recognize that eerie chill of thinking of something painful and repulsive and letting that feeling engulf you, and actually cause causing a physical reaction. or would you pass it off as a fucking joke. this wasn’t supposed to go anywhere. my ability to accurately express is diminishing. maybe i’m growing dumber. no, i’m definitely getting dumber, the question is why. and it is a question i cannot answer because i am dumb. i have theories, but then again i must not because dumb people can’t have theories that’s work for all the smart people to concern themselves with. 

bring the power to a close
under lock and key
there rises from the restrained
an urge of freedom

bring about the past
recover the old
using any idea of dust 
a crude replacement

bring about the answer
don’t look around
glance upwards or sideways
just not behind

i have two wishes that i rotate between whenever circumstances arise or an eyelash finds its way onto my fingertip.