Halfway in every direction.

just a small town girl. Living in a racist, insensitive, sexist, homophobic world,

(cant take the midnight train ‘cause im fuckin scared)

I’ve discovered an underlying feeling I have of constant anxiety of the present situation. I fear that if I am not content with my person today, there is absolutely no way of someday reaching a point of comfort. I wish I could convince myself to be comfortable in the silence or noise of my own thoughts, force myself to not crave the sickly sweet satisfaction of feeling included.

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would you recognize that eerie chill of thinking of something painful and repulsive and letting that feeling engulf you, and actually cause causing a physical reaction. or would you pass it off as a fucking joke. this wasn’t supposed to go anywhere. my ability to accurately express is diminishing. maybe i’m growing dumber. no, i’m definitely getting dumber, the question is why. and it is a question i cannot answer because i am dumb. i have theories, but then again i must not because dumb people can’t have theories that’s work for all the smart people to concern themselves with. 

bring the power to a close
under lock and key
there rises from the restrained
an urge of freedom

bring about the past
recover the old
using any idea of dust 
a crude replacement

bring about the answer
don’t look around
glance upwards or sideways
just not behind

i have two wishes that i rotate between whenever circumstances arise or an eyelash finds its way onto my fingertip. 

if i don’t make sense, but you don’t either, are we both wrong? or right? or stuck? 

It’s easy to identify the best of times when it’s a part of the past, harder to appreciate when the best of times is the current time. So appreciate every moment? Or just sulk knowing that the best has already passed and we might as well just eat cake and hide in caves.